About Me

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Eugene, Oregon, United States
I am just a simple girl who has the most amazing adventures because God has made me strong and courageous. Right now I am living in the state of Oregon where I am spending a year as an ARISE Intern.I hope you enjoy reading what God is doing in my life and the simple and great things He does every day...

Friday, May 6, 2011

"They sing beautiful!! Have you trained this children?"
Standing in front of the choir, timidly I said "yes".
"Congratulations!! You have done an excellent job with these children".

This was five months ago. Today that moment came to my mind again with the same feeling of that day... that amazing and fulfilling feeling of being the one who makes the "song" happen. Of being the one who taught them and encourage them to do their best. There's no feeling like that in the world. After hard practice, disappointment and frustration, there's no feeling as the enjoyment of the outcome of "the song".

There are some things that happens when you make music; whether you are performing, or conducting. Your thoughts are focus on the music, nothing exists outside the music; but at the same time, along with  that absorption, comes the enjoyment, a feeling of satisfaction and plenitude only my colleagues would understand.

But that is just the outcome. The most important things to make the "song" beautiful, is what people don't see. Behind that there are days and nights of endless work, dullness and no satisfaction; of frustration and wondering if finally the time spent in it will be worthy.

The true is that the words of that old man (the same mentioned at the beginning), started a flow of thinking of God and His guidance in my life.

I thought about how in the eyes of the audience, the choir performance and the outcome of the presentation were so related to the job that I have done. The choir was singing beautiful and that man attributed their excellent performance to my "good job" though I just thought to myself: "It is them singing, not me.." But in reality, it was the outcome of "teamwork". I gave my best. I tried to direct them as best as I can. I thought them how to follow my directions; when to sing louder, softer; when to stop singing; when to start, etc.  But what if they sing bad? What if after all the practice and all the directions that I gave them they just want to do their "own thing? What if they don't look at me and loose the beat or come in when they're not supposed to?

And I thought about Him... the great "conductor" of my life. I thought how does He leads me and how much He has taught me to follow his directions; how to adapt to His conducting style; how sometimes even when He leads so perfectly I took my gaze away from Him and I mess up the beautiful song He's leading in my life. How sometimes he tells me to stop and I don't...and how sometime He want's me to begin or continue, and I miss the "cue". I thought about how the way I sing "my life" unto others, influences the way people think about my "Conductor".

And as I'm reaching to the end of my service in CAS, I think about how much He still believes that I can sing the song the way He wants, even when is so difficult.

Like in every turning point in my life, I face myself, and ussually, my failures and mistakes, surround me and made me argue with my conductor and tell Him:
Are you sure I'm able?"

Are you sure you want me to be part of your choir?

Are you taking this risk?

And then I think about tonight; I think of my 12th graders. They were not as great as the "Special Choir", the choir I led last semester for Christmas performances, and for which that old guy congratulated me. They are not as musical as them; and mucho menos. as motivated as the kids. But I had to do it. We should sing at graduation... and I struggled with myself and God as well: Am I being the teacher I should be? Are you sure you chose me to do this?

But I did it. And I'm glad I did. Cause tonight, I just had my first presentation with my 12th graders, and besides that they sang as beautiful as they could, that feeling came again...and that thought of how even when I doubted a little bit of my 12th graders, (and they gave their best, cause I pushed myself and made them give their best), God had never doubted of me. He still pushing me to "sing a more beautiful song everyday"...and He wants me to, and He rejoices through me; he dances through me....